Lost in the Friend Zone....

 

So, I was talking with a friend about random stuff when we got on the subject of the “Friend Zone.”  This concept as it was presented is still a bit foreign to me.  I have always been in longer relationships.  Well, to be totally honest, longer than 3 months.  Sometimes, that’s plenty long.  It’s just a result of me having been the poster boy for co-dependency years back.  I never enter a relationship as a temporary thing and if I wanted a “Hit it and Quit it”, that’s the approach I would take.  I would be very upfront about that and if needed, always provided cab fare or a ride home.  I don’t easily fall in love but I can get attached if she has the ability to win my mind first.  Who doesn’t want a smart partner?  Especially if she has a bit of smart ass in her.  I love witty banter and the quicker the wit, the happier I am.  No, it’s not all fun and games.  Serious time is serious.  Overall, I prefer to keep smiling instead of worrying.

Back to today’s subject.

I have a ton of friends.  Maybe I’m lucky or maybe they don’t get out much.  Either way, I’ll take it.  I have been told that it’s because I tend to be myself in any situation, I am entertaining at the least.  So my perspective of the Friend Zone is an innocent one.  She was explaining that some women (it would only be fair to say some men too) have friends of the opposite sex.  This was not new to me as I have a few female friends.  But, some will keep guys around to stroke their egos, take them to dinner and other “dating” type of activities.  There is no intention of a romantic liaison and it’s not a bad thing necessarily.  Just some fun times with no risk of heartbreak.  Ok, I totally understand that last part.  She also enlightened me to how it can be viewed as stringing along but most times it’s not like that.  Some people will do that without any malicious intent.  My only response was “Huh?”  I guess I have a different way of thinking but if you are friends, shouldn’t that be stated up front?  Like the term “sport fuck.”  That pretty much establishes how things are going down and if that’s cool with you, life is good.  No attachments, no regrets but more importantly, no mixed signals.  Friends are friends.  Most won’t give you a ride to the airport but they will come through in many other ways.  All of a sudden, those pictures of a “lost man in the friend zone” now make sense. 

She also said that I am a world class flirt and that can be misconstrued just as easily.  I really don’t want to give mixed signals, so I guess I’m going to have to tone it down a bit.  In my defense, I don’t really flirt if I’m in a relationship.  I guess I use it like a fisherman uses a lure but only when I’m single.  Also in my defense, I always put out.  Nobody will ever be able to call me a tease.

So when I asked her how would one find out if they are in the friend zone, she replied, “Simple, you just ask.  But don’t ask in a guy way, ask in a female way.  A female way is like this: How’s your love life?  You could also ask if they are seeing anybody serious.   If there is a dodgy or unclear answer, welcome to the friend zone.  If they tell you clearly and that person isn’t you, then you are still a friend but more in the traditional way.”

Smart women are smart.

So, like a kid with new sneakers, I decided to take this new knowledge out for a spin.  I asked 4 females who I know and have gone out with casually this very question and son of a bitch, I am in the friend zone with two of them and one actually said she was “on deck, waiting for me to make up my mind as to what I want.”  The other has always been a friend because she pays for half when we go out.  She was amused by this whole thing and said “only you would do something like this.  Why don’t you just put up a sign saying “free to good home” like a puppy and see who wants you.  A smart woman who sees your potential will answer.”   Hmmmm, I never thought of that.

Well, that’s all I got for now.  I need to go make me a sign……

Be well.