Shogun1706 is offline....

Shogun 1706 is offline…….

“No biggie,” he thought to himself.  It was still early in the day and she hasn’t gotten to work yet.  He was more surprised that he was at work, on time, 2 days in a row.  Normally he would get to work later than this and when he did, she was already on line.  She didn’t return his text messages from the night before and he really wanted to let her know how his phone interview with that Scottish company went.  They were both getting excited about the prospect of getting out of Bakersfield.  There was a job there that had piqued his interest and after much thought, he decided to pursue it.  She was willing to consider moving out of the country because this town was festering and if she didn't get a change in scenery, the boil was about to burst. 

Given enough time, Bakersfield can do that to a person.

Shogun1706 is offline……

He started to wonder what was up.  It was already 8 AM and she was always online by this time.  He began to wonder if maybe she overslept.

His phone rang, it was an unknown number.  Normally he wouldn’t answer it but for some reason, he felt compelled to take this call.

“Hello, Harvey?”

The voice was sort of familiar but he couldn’t place it.

“It’s J, M’s Mom.  Have you seen her?”

Instantly, he felt the familiar icy touch of shock.  He was thrown off guard by the question.

“No, I thought she was with you all night,” he replied.

There was an incident the night before and he knew it threw M for a loop.  Her Mom didn’t answer the phone and M panicked.  Even after she realized that all was well, she still seemed a bit unnerved.  She had some deep rooted abandonment issues and he hoped to help her purge them over time.  He just hoped she was willing to stick around long enough. 

His mind began to race.  The ping pong balls were in full swing and this is not how today was supposed to be.

“She went to work yesterday and didn't return after lunch.  They haven’t seen her all morning and I haven’t heard from her since yesterday,” her Mom said.  He could hear the panic in her voice.

“I’ll call one of my kids to see if they can go by her place, they know where it is,” he said.  He didn’t know what to do, he was at work 45 miles from town.  Had he known she wasn't at her Mom’s the night before, he would have stopped by her apartment o n his way to work.  He started to feel helpless and the only thing he knew to do was call his kids to see if one of them can got to her place and see what’s up.

Shogun1706 is offline….

He was driving back to Bakersfield being careful not to let his emotions take control of the wheel.  It would not be good if he got into an accident or pulled over for speeding.  He was very private about showing emotions in public.  It was going to be a long 45 minute drive for him, worrying all the way.

Shogun1706 is offline….

Oddly, those six letters and four numbers began to take on a life of their own.  They were at the forefront of his thought process but now they were a sound.  In his head they were the “beep………beep…….beep…….beep” of the life support machines so familiar on the TV doctor shows.  It was an ominous thing hanging over him like a nightmare turned into reality.  So many questions, no answers yet.

“Just drive,” he thought.  “Just fucking drive.”

Shogun1706 is offline….

“……beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.”

He lost it.  It was time to pull over as he couldn’t see beyond his tears and driving at a high rate of speed was not the smartest thing to do.  Although he fought the urge to give in to the worst case scenario, it was kicking his ass.

Emotional Fear– 1

Self Control – 0

He called his daughter and she told him the whole story.  They found her unconscious and the ambulance was on its way.  There was a half empty bottle of Captain Morgan and no less than 3 empty bottles of tranquilizers next to her on the bed.

And there was a note…………

Shogun1706 is offline….

He went straight to the hospital and his emotional panic was turning to anger.  He thought of all the things he was going to say to her.  Things between them were great as far as he knew and they never fought.  She was not happy about his decision to return to working overseas but supported it because it was a good move for his family.  He thought about how she was going to get a world class ass chewing when he saw her.  He thought about how much he loved her and looked forward to a long future with her.  He thought and thought and thought.  The more he pondered, the angrier he got.  By the time he reached the hospital doors, he was livid.  How dare she try to do something so stupid, he pondered.  He loved her, his kids loved her and more importantly, she loved them.

They let him into her room and the life support machine chorus was in full swing.  The doctor said she will live but needs rest and those few words instantly took the wind out of his sails.  He realized at that moment his anger was nothing less than self serving fear.  He was being greedy by thinking her actions were solely aimed at him.  He thought it was an effort to make him comply with some unknown hidden agenda.  She was not like that.  She was one of the most generous people he ever met and didn’t deserve to be thought of as anything less than an angel.  He was being shallow, stupid and the total opposite of the kind of man he was raised to be.  That epiphany made him crumble and look for a seat.

He sat down next to her and cried……..